12 November 2026
5:16am@CrimsonHome
Here and Now:
I was awake during midnight and I haven't been waking up those hours ever since I came to Crimson the first time on July 7 and felt other unwanted spirits in the house but they have been cast out of our house since July so I had been sleeping long and peacefully in this place without dreams. But lately especially in my parents house, I dream a lot and would have nightmares, waking up at midnight to pray. Tonight and on Tuesday night, I was not able to sleep well I think of Ryan so I asked the LORD about him but actually I complained to the LORD about him, I don't even want to ask GOD anymore, because I felt it's clear that he wasn't the one for me. He was chinese, catholic and short. This is another Michael Po that's going to waste my time. NO MORE GOD NO MORE!
SOAP
Scriptures
Torah: Parshat Toldot, 5th Portion (Bereshit (Genesis) 26:30-27:27)
Genesis 26:30-27:27 New King James Version
30 So he made them a feast, and they ate and drank. 31 Then they arose early in the morning and swore an oath with one another; and Isaac sent them away, and they departed from him in peace.
32 It came to pass the same day that Isaac’s servants came and told him about the well which they had dug, and said to him, “We have found water.” 33 So he called it [a]Shebah. Therefore the name of the city is [b]Beersheba to this day.
34 When Esau was forty years old, he took as wives Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite. 35 And they were a grief of mind to Isaac and Rebekah.
Isaac Blesses Jacob
1 Now it came to pass, when Isaac was old and his eyes were so dim that he could not see, that he called Esau his older son and said to him, “My son.”
And he answered him, “Here I am.”
2 Then he said, “Behold now, I am old. I do not know the day of my death. 3 Now therefore, please take your weapons, your quiver and your bow, and go out to the field and hunt game for me. 4 And make me [c]savory food, such as I love, and bring it to me that I may eat, that my soul may bless you before I die.”
5 Now Rebekah was listening when Isaac spoke to Esau his son. And Esau went to the field to hunt game and to bring it. 6 So Rebekah spoke to Jacob her son, saying, “Indeed I heard your father speak to Esau your brother, saying, 7 ‘Bring me game and make [d]savory food for me, that I may eat it and bless you in the presence of the Lord before my death.’ 8 Now therefore, my son, obey my voice according to what I command you. 9 Go now to the flock and bring me from there two choice kids of the goats, and I will make savory food from them for your father, such as he loves. 10 Then you shall take it to your father, that he may eat it, and that he may bless you before his death.”
11 And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, “Look, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth-skinned man. 12 Perhaps my father will feel me, and I shall seem to be a deceiver to him; and I shall bring a curse on myself and not a blessing.”
13 But his mother said to him, “Let your curse be on me, my son; only obey my voice, and go, get them for me.” 14 And he went and got them and brought them to his mother, and his mother made [e]savory food, such as his father loved. 15 Then Rebekah took the choice clothes of her elder son Esau, which were with her in the house, and put them on Jacob her younger son. 16 And she put the skins of the kids of the goats on his hands and on the smooth part of his neck. 17 Then she gave the savory food and the bread, which she had prepared, into the hand of her son Jacob.
18 So he went to his father and said, “My father.”
And he said, “Here I am. Who are you, my son?”
19 Jacob said to his father, “I am Esau your firstborn; I have done just as you told me; please arise, sit and eat of my game, that your soul may bless me.”
20 But Isaac said to his son, “How is it that you have found it so quickly, my son?”
And he said, “Because the Lord your God brought it to me.”
21 Isaac said to Jacob, “Please come near, that I may feel you, my son, whether you are really my son Esau or not.” 22 So Jacob went near to Isaac his father, and he felt him and said, “The voice is Jacob’s voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau.” 23 And he did not recognize him, because his hands were hairy like his brother Esau’s hands; so he blessed him.
24 Then he said, “Are you really my son Esau?”
He said, “I am.”
25 He said, “Bring it near to me, and I will eat of my son’s game, so that my soul may bless you.” So he brought it near to him, and he ate; and he brought him wine, and he drank. 26 Then his father Isaac said to him, “Come near now and kiss me, my son.” 27 And he came near and kissed him; and he smelled the smell of his clothing, and blessed him and said:
“Surely, the smell of my son Is like the smell of a field Which the Lord has blessed.
8 Then the word of the Lord came to Jeremiah in Tahpanhes, saying, 9 “Take large stones in your hand, and hide them in the sight of the men of Judah, in the [b]clay in the brick courtyard which is at the entrance to Pharaoh’s house in Tahpanhes; 10 and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel: “Behold, I will send and bring Nebuchadnezzar the king of Babylon, My servant, and will set his throne above these stones that I have hidden. And he will spread his royal pavilion over them. 11 When he comes, he shall strike the land of Egypt and deliver to death those appointed for death, and to captivity those appointed for captivity, and to the sword those appointed for the sword. 12 [c]I will kindle a fire in the houses of the gods of Egypt, and he shall burn them and carry them away captive. And he shall array himself with the land of Egypt, as a shepherd puts on his garment, and he shall go out from there in peace. 13 He shall also break the sacred pillars of [d]Beth Shemesh that are in the land of Egypt; and the houses of the gods of the Egyptians he shall burn with fire.” ’ ”
Jeremiah 44
Israelites Will Be Punished in Egypt
1 The word that came to Jeremiah concerning all the Jews who dwell in the land of Egypt, who dwell at Migdol, at Tahpanhes, at Noph,[e] and in the country of Pathros, saying, 2 “Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel: ‘You have seen all the calamity that I have brought on Jerusalem and on all the cities of Judah; and behold, this day they are a desolation, and no one dwells in them, 3 because of their wickedness which they have committed to provoke Me to anger, in that they went to burn incense and to serve other gods whom they did not know, they nor you nor your fathers. 4 However I have sent to you all My servants the prophets, rising early and sending them, saying, “Oh, do not do this abominable thing that I hate!” 5 But they did not listen or incline their ear to turn from their wickedness, to burn no incense to other gods. 6 So My fury and My anger were poured out and kindled in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem; and they [f]are wasted and desolate, as it is this day.’
Luke 22
Jesus Mocked and Beaten
63 Now the men who held Jesus mocked Him and beat Him. 64 [d]And having blindfolded Him, they struck Him on the face and asked Him, saying, “Prophesy! Who is the one who struck You?” 65 And many other things they blasphemously spoke against Him.
Jesus Faces the Sanhedrin
66 As soon as it was day, the elders of the people, both chief priests and scribes, came together and led Him into their council, saying, 67 “If You are the Christ, tell us.”
But He said to them, “If I tell you, you will by no means believe. 68 And if I [e]also ask you, you will by no means answer [f]Me or let Me go. 69 Hereafter the Son of Man will sit on the right hand of the power of God.”
70 Then they all said, “Are You then the Son of God?”
So He said to them, “You rightly say that I am.”
71 And they said, “What further testimony do we need? For we have heard it ourselves from His own mouth.”
Prayers in the midnight hour
Father God, it's 1:02 a.m. here in Crimson. You have awakened me, Lord, in the middle of the night. And tonight, Lord, I'm reading your word and receiving, Lord, your message that you will punish those who are disobeying you. Israelites whom you have chosen, you have even punished for worshiping a queen in heaven, a god they did not know, who is not really God. They made them gods. And this really caused your anger to burn against your own people. And so you have punished them, Lord, and even, Lord, the messenger, Jeremiah, suffers along with their disobedience as they drag him to Egypt. When you told them not to go to Egypt, they forcefully brought Jeremiah there, and you have proclaimed more judgments towards the rebellious of your people. It is scary, Lord, to read about. It's scary to even think about it, God. Help me, God, I don't want to be disobedient like those people. I don't want to suffer any consequence. I don't want to suffer at all. I don't want to face trials and tribulations. I'm already facing a lot of problems and it's shaking me, God. I don't want to be shaken, Father. Be my strength, be my peace, be my hope, be my joy. Make me steadfast in you. Oh, God, take away all the cares of this world from my system. Take away all anxiety, all worries, all fears. Take them away, Lord, for you are the one who holds my world, and you are taking care of me every single day. Father, even though I have this family, my true security comes from you. And so, Lord, I pray that you would give me back the peace that I lost when I entered into work from my Sabbath, oh God. I don't know why I become so anxious. I don't know why I'm so troubled by all the problems at work. Lord, I want to thank you for solving each one of them, for hearing my prayers, God. Help me, Lord, to understand that you are in full control, and I don't have to be worried, that I just have to cast all my cares upon you. I just have to pray. I just have to plead you for the right solutions, and you are giving it, Lord God, you have been faithful to give it, Father, especially of repentance towards the workers who have stolen from us. I thank you, Lord, for the way you have changed their hearts. That you'll continue, Lord God, to change them and not allow them to do wrong anymore. Please, Father God, I pray, let your kingdom come. Let your will be done. Thank you, Lord, for the grace sustaining them. Lord, I continue to pray for repentance and for righteousness to come upon the people who are doing wrong. I continue to pray. I continue to ask you, Father, help me, Father, to execute the right decisions at work, to watch over those in my company, to discipline our people, to be your voice, bringing messages, disciplining, teaching, Lord. Father, I just ask you for that peace, for you are the prince of peace, God. And thank you for that husband you have prepared for me. I really don't believe that he is Ryan Jen Walter. I don't believe it, Lord. He has to already be a Christian, a disciple, a follower, already reading your word. And I don't believe he is Asian. No, I don't. He's Middle Eastern. That's what my faith is telling me. And I don't want to be confused with the wrong ones. There's only one will, and I want to follow that, God. I don't want to be mistaken. I want you to remove anyone that is not for me. Please, Father God. Please, Lord Jesus. I pray that Ryan will understand. Let's just back away, move away. I don't want him to continue, Lord. I want you to speak into his heart, to just back away. He's not the one for me. I don't believe it. I even lost sleep the night after we talked. And even now, I'm losing sleep because he's still trying to connect himself to me, trying his best to win me. He cannot win me. It's either he has or he doesn't have. He doesn't have. He is not what you promised me. He is not what you described to me. You've been telling me already what this man would be. He'd be somebody born in Zion. This is your promise, God. I want to hold on to that. I don't care. You know what? He is interested. It's nice. Everybody wants a good woman, but does he want a godly one? You know? I don't want to settle, God. I have not finished reading the book. I will finish reading the book, that book called "Boundaries." And I claim your promises, Lord, the way that you have spoken to the missionary, Wendell. That after I read the book, that you are sending me the husband you have promised me. I don't want to close my mind about the people coming into my life. You know already, God, how much I open my heart, even to the wrong people, because I don't want to close my heart on your will. I tried to open my heart, even to the impossible things, even to the things that don't make sense. But now, Lord God, I just want to shut down anything that is not of you. So I continue to pray, Lord, that you would help me to understand your will for me. Assure me that I am on the right track. Comfort me, God, in all my troubles. Grant me peace. Grant me your presence. Give me your Holy Spirit. Pour out your spirit upon me, oh God, and give me peace. Give me joy. Give me a sound mind. I ask you, Father, for the Holy Spirit. Like the Shekinah glory hovering over me before, let the Shekinah glory come to me once again. And I pray, Lord, for our church, that you would take away those that are rebellious, those that are bitter, who cannot refuse to be healed. I pray, God, that you would touch the hearts of those who are being deceived and bring them back to your perfect will. To your will, oh God, bring them back. Preserve, Lord, the hearts of men, that the righteous continue to be righteous, that the pure continue to be pure. I pray that you discern, protect, and help your sheep to discern the truth. Help us to discern, Lord God, to understand your leading and the promptings of the Holy Spirit and not to be defiled by the bitterness of evil, of unforgiveness, God. Help me, Lord. Help me to walk each day. Help me to counter every evil attack, to overcome my own anxiety, to overcome every trouble that you allow in my life, because you are the God who defends and fights for me. So continue, Lord, to fight for me. Continue, Lord, to speak to me. To continue, Lord, to comfort me and be my security, Father God, because it is so hard. It's so hard to be in this world. I cannot be in this world without you, Father God, without your presence, without your power, without your healing, without your touch. Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit Oh, Holy Spirit, come upon me. Fill me. Fill me. Fill my husband. Fill us, Lord God, fill us. I pray that your kingdom come, that your will be done unto us here on Earth as it is in Heaven. Please, Father. Speak to me right now. Speak to Ryan to just... Honestly, Lord, I'm sorry, but he's too short. Is that really what you want for me? Please, God, I want you to protect me from this man. Protect my heart from him. And if he is the one you have sent, then let him be baptized. Let him seek you, let him know you, let him love you. But I don't think he's the one, God. I just want another person because he's incomplete. He's not more than what I ask or imagine. I don't know, God. I'm sorry. I really feel like he's not the one you have appointed. Faith and belief can change. The mind can change. But the height cannot change. I am so sorry, God. He's too short, and I don't want to accept that. It's something I cannot change. And if you want to change my mind about it, then let it be so, but YOUR WORD in Psalm 87 is what I am clinging and holding unto, Please JESUS, do not let this be another test, another trial to my faith if I indeed cling to YOUR WORD, please GOD do not allow the enemy to weigh me down again by letting me believe he can be the one just as I believed Michael could be the one, he was already a lesson learned I will not go through the same lessons of settling over a compromise, please JESUS let me stand up for what YOU have promised me and let me stand in faith without a trace of doubt, let me stand in YOUR PROMISES, that what YOU have in store for me is undeniable, undoubtable, unquestionably the best from YOU, because YOU are the GOD who gives us more than what we ask or imagine! So that YOU will have all the glory and honor that YOU deserve O o GOD, and I will give YOU all the glory that YOU deserve in the love story YOU have prepared for me. I will stand by YOUR WORD O GOD. I will stand please send me the right man whom YOU have chosen already, please send him to me.
In the name of Yeshua HaMashiach. Amen.
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